21 June 2006

Confessions of a Lifeguard.

The problem with me is, I'm a nice guy.

Yes, that is a significant problem.

See, some time ago, I'd decided that all the relationships i'd wanted were completely superficial. Only flings. Nothing serious. Now the problem with that is, you need to be a bit of an asshole to pull that off right. But you see, the bit of asshole in me is a little bit too little.

Now that we're on the topic, I have a nice ass. Or arse, as my now-british friend says.

But coming back to the original asshole, I don't have enough in me.

Like, for instance. There's this girl. A couple of years younger than me. She was an intern at our office. Now, i'm not bragging, but she's in love with me. She messages me all the time. Calls me. Messages me to say that I didn't answer. And I still don't answer. She still messages. The most asshole I can be, is to not answer her calls.

Anyhow, one day, she messaged me, telling me, and I quote, ``I really `dig' you''. First of all, who says `dig' anymore. Secondly, why the hell was the `dig' in single inverted commas?

So i answered : ``huh?''

So she said something about how she really liked me and how she thought about me all the time.

So I said, ``I'm sorry, i just dont feel the same way.'' I couldn't be really rude, so i said, ``its not you, its just, i'm not ready for a relationship.'' But it was her. I mean, she was cute and all, and reasonably smart (ish), but I just couldn't see myself with her. So I said, ``I'm sorry''.
So she said, ``How about just a fling then?''
In my head, i could
a) See a new post for this blog
b) See that, if persued, things would not end well.
It would have been easy for me. Have the fling, and then say, ``Look you said just fling, so, ta ta.''

Time out : I said to my roomie, ``Dude, this chick keeps messaging, like what do I do?'' He answers, ``Just fuck her and get it over with.'' I just went, ``huh?'' So he answers, ``Yea, after a guy fucks a woman, she's not interested in him anymore.'' I had to laugh at him...

Anyhow, so its very easy to have a fling with this girl. But i can't. Maybe if I liked her a little more. I'd put my principles aside for some women.

It all seems a little pointless when youre main aim in life is to have meaningless relationships, but you're just too principled. It's like, having a Dodge Viper, but refusing to drift, because its unsafe for oncoming traffic.

Ok, i'm a nice guy. Thats settled. But the problem is that the asshole in me keeps popping up every now and then.

This wednesday, I went to TC with some people from work. I havn't been there in ages. For a wednesday night (which is Media night, for all you non delhi folk) it was really empty. Like i could walk around, and if i wanted to, dance like a cossack, and breathe.

If less people from work were reading this, i could have a longer story, but I'll just say that this new girl from work brought her TOTALLY hot friend. In a little Tube top. I was totally trying to hit on this new girl, whose name i can't remember.

But if you studied my post about strategising women, you'll know that all women want what a) They can't get, and b) what other women want. So since I wanted hot tube-top woman, new girl from work wanted me. And since new girl from work wanted me, hot tube-top woman was automatically more interested in me.

But i keep remembering Sneezy's parting words :``Never play where you work, and never work where you play.'' I know that if I fool around with someone from work, it can't be good. It has to be awkward. Something has to go wrong.

I think too much. That's my problem.

I have so many problems. Aargh.

---------------------------
Also in this issue :
* Sneezy's visiting me tomorrow. ``Arrange me women,'' he said. I can't. I have to pick up the schmuck at 9am from the airport, dressed in formals. Then the two of us have to drive to New Okhla Industrial Development Authority (aka NOIDA) and make a presentation to a multinational company. I have to pretend to be ``his associate''.
* I saw MI:3. It has to be the best movie made this year. Its so fast paced, you never stop to think that the movie makes no logical sense.
* I'm totally broke.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

i agree with your friend's work-play policy. too much hassle when u break up. (which u will coz its a fling anyway)
also i see ur point in saying 'no' to a fling with this chick who obviously likes u. (she's just 'saying' fling... this is the age-old female trick to get into a man's heart thru his bed... never works)
the solution to ur immediate problem is to become friends with New Girl... and slowly extend your friendship to her friends...
(have been a lurker on ur blog for a while now. very engrossing)

Vijayeta said...

I really 'dig' this post! 10 on 10, dude! First of all, realise, understand and appreciate the fact that we are all, basically, very shallow people. Secondly, even assholes and complete jerks draw the line somewhere!
The intern might just turn out to be a stalker if you're not careful. Symptoms? You said it yourself: She messages me all the time. Calls me. Messages me to say that I didn't answer. And I still don't answer. She still messages...
Watch out! And frankly, as firm believers in shallow-ism, one should never have anything to do with anyone who says:``I really `dig' you''.
Hot Tube Top woman sounds like a good option though, f you can call upon the Nice Guy in you as well as The Asshole together to handle the girl from work!
:p

Arthur Quiller Couch said...

I was about to say I agree with yout roomie. Then I saw FanaaBabe up there and I realised there are worse situations possible.

Leave your stalker babe alone. For all you know, she IS Fanaa3000.
Creepy.

4wD said...

Azure ~ Dude(ette?), what are `Bandolino heels'?

Dis_tract-or ~ Hello. Yea I think I need to meet more women :P

AQC, yeh, i'm a little scared of this. I was little excited when yahoo said i had 20 new comments.. but they're all this azure3000.

Vijeyta ~ Like Captain Planet?

Anonymous said...

like i said in my comment in the previous post... it is a very fine line between asshole and nice guy.. .master that and the world is yours my son.

Unknown said...

aureliana cortez says youve been tagged.
She also threatens to whip you if you don't comply. ;)

M (tread softly upon) said...

"women want what they can't get" Bingo!!!

This Is Just Me said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
twip said...

uh-oh 4wd you have a stalker.

you need rescuing?

;)

*takes out whip*

Anonymous said...

dude, which car do you drive?

4wD said...

Azure ~ yes, people DO listen to prophets.

M ~ you'd think I was set for life now... but real life sucks :)

Lifeasithappens ~ You're an investment Banker!!!! You're on my list!

Punkster ~ yeh... i try baling you out! Except my stalker is a lot more coherent and sensible than yours!

Anon ~ gypsy.

twip said...

I know eh.

sniff.....my stalker/troll/whatever is bloody creepy man.

sniff.....

Anonymous said...

Dude! You are funny, man. I totally hear ya! :-) You write like Sedaris, btw. Very cool.

Janaki said...

Aha u are one of those few who refuse a fling!! kya hua!!??? u cant be that good! lets make a 'broke' club...