Taking breaks.

When i'm traveling, I like going to unexplored, difficult places. I'm not interested in going to tourist spots like Khajuraho or hampi. I want to go where I don't know anybody, and everyone is strange to me. I want to go to difficult places and learn about people.

But, I also want to go where my friends are, where I can meet people like me. One of the places I did that is Hyderabad.

So my traveling seems to have worked itself into this rythm. I first go to a place where I can learn, research and challenge myself. Then, I go to a place where I can kick back, enjoy and have be with friends.

I lived and worked there for a year, and it was easily the best time I had. I had a bunch of friends from all over the world, working all kinds of jobs. I knew that every time I went out with them, I was guaranteed to have a good time. I never remember not having fun. I also remember good conversation, and my friends were there for me when I needed them.

Which is why I spent two weeks in hyderabad.

Unfortunately, whenever you go back to a p lace, you find that things have changed. Nothing remains the same, of course, but you exect it to be the same at least. The group I know doesn't hang out at B'n'C anymore. It goes to Firefly and some fancy nightclub in a fancy hotel (the names of both i've forgotten). I realise I don't like clubs so much. THey're too big, and filled with people trying to be nice-looking and the atmosphere's negative and the drinks are too expensive.

What I did enjoy was BNO, or Boy's Night Out. This is just a collection of dudes getting together on someone terrace and drinking. Then we proceed to make fun of each other deep into the night (usually Chocolate ... yep, that's his name) Its fun, and without pressure, and I liked the guys a lot.

Heres what was interesting in hyderabad, I had a date. With a very pretty girl i've known for a while. The last time I met her was at a party, and I made a complete fool of myself. We had coffee, and chatted. I don't think I felt 'the zing', but it was fun. It's been a while since I dated, and that was a good way for me to move on. We do keep in touch, but very very little. Although I did promise to send her a letter, the paper kind.

So yea, when I'm traveling, i like taking breaks. Thats why i took the weekend in calcutta, and thats why I'll go home for a few weeks. Also, i need to earn some money.

pointlessness

the time has come 

for me to ride

a quarter past five

with fries on the side

The time has come 

to make a stand

the cere-bellum

why, that's my land

The time has come

and has the enemy

is easy to find

no, its not she

he's inside me

(aka, on an impulse I bought a dress for the girl [not just any dress, but one she'd told me she really really liked, but didn't get cos she was on a saving money trip, and then i found out with some detective work what the dress was] and spent like 3 grand on it [a lot when you have no money] and now i'm feeling like maybe i shouldn't have, not because i dont really like her, no, i really do, but i get the feeling she'll never like me as much, even tho she says she does.)(bugger it, thank god i'm not into attachments and allathat jazz)

Mojo risin'

So, New Year's Eve was crap, 

but I think I have my mojo back. 

Where had my mojo gone, you ask? Well, see, the one thing that can ruin mojo to hell is love. It happened to me, I tell you. It's not all it's cracked up to be, this love thing. I mean, its not bad, It can actually be very good. And if it doesn't last, at least it gives you a glimse of what could be, you know. Love's great, like that. It takes you places you've never been. But it makes you lose your mojo. 

It starts simple. You meet a girl (or boy, if you're into that). You hang out.  You fall in love. Maybe you kiss. Sometimes it's the other way round. You hang out. You kiss, and ideally have sweaty sex. Then you fall in love. Thats simple. Around here, you still have your mojo. In fact it's risen. Because you don't give a hoot about other girls, they like you more. So, all of a sudden, a lot of very pretty girls are interested in talking to you, because you don't care. But you take it too far, you too much in love to care about them, because you're in love with the girl you love. Eventually, the attention you got on account of not giving the women attention starts to wane. You don't care, you've got love.

Then one day, the girl you love gets married and says, "I'll see you next year, babe."

And then for a while, you're like wondering about life and love and you think you should write a book about it. You don't of course, cos you can't get past page 1. But you do eventually meet another girl. And now you want to be in love so much, nothing else matters, not even that she doesn't really love you back. 

So it goes on for a while, and then, one day, you realise that she doesn't love you back, so you break it off. (ok ok, she realises, and she breaks it off). And then you think , "what the fuck?" becuse you've never really been broken up with before. For a while, you feel bad for the girls you broke up with for no reason, and then you think if hadn't yu may have been married to one of them now, and you think, "thank god i did."

Anyway, then, you get to this phase when you really want sex, love  be damned. So everytime you meet a woman, all you're thinking about is how to get her back to your house and take her clothes off. Of course, women can sense that sort of shit and because they're so predictable, they don't want you because you want them. 

So you don't get any. You killed your own mojo. Heck, Love did. 

So I was pleasantly surprised when I found my Mojo had returned. First on new years day, I had nothing to do, and wanted to get away from Pune, because I didn't want to be around girl-who-doesn't-really-love-me (look above). So i went to this 'farm house' party outside town. First, there was no farm, it was a big, manicured lawn, and I hate those. The girl who invited me was not my type at all (ok, she would have been if she were skinnier) but she was all, holding my hand and everything. If i wanted to, I could have made a move. But you know how I am, I can't kiss a girl untill i'm really attracted to her. And the other girls at the party... well... there weren't too many, and none of them were, er, my type. So i wished them all "happy new year (hug hug hug)" and left. 

Then, another girl, also not my type, invited me to another party in Pune, so I went there. It was fun. There were some pretty people. One very pretty lass with her husband, unfortunately, both tripping on something. I had a few drinks, but fortunately, not enough to go thru with what the not-my-type-girl would propose soon.

I swear this is true. I walked out of the loo (i used it soon after a bunch of dudes finished snorting their lines of coke... idiots... paying for terrorists' educations), and she was waiting outside. And she says, "I have to ask you something." So i say, "What?" So she says, "this" and leans in to kiss me. 

Now, this girl, i) is not my type ii) is bigger than me and iii) is certainly stronger than me. So I was scared. But i was brave enough to say, "no no no". "Come on, its just a kiss," she said. "No," I said, "its never just a kiss." 

And its true. It never is. Kissing takes a lot. Its got to come from within. Or else its not... real, you know. Its no good. I admit, i was a little, er, excited,  but only because of the attention. So she says, "its just a kiss," again. I told he I couldn't do it, because my heart was still elsewhere. (how would it have sounded if I said, "you're not my type, dude") It was partly true, because my heart was (is?) partly elsewhere (see girl-who-doesn't-really-love-me) above. 

So, I didn't kiss her, and left. Yea I know, its very womanly to leave when someone tries to kiss you. 

Anyway, regardless of them being non-cute, it counted for something that they were into me. It's always a big ego boost. 

So the next day, Im faffing around on facebook, and this cute girl, who I met in hyderabad, but who moved to pune recently, pings me. She has a boyfriend and all, but she's still chat-flirting, and we exchange numbers and all. I did not expect to hear from her at all. But I did.

Then, a little later, this other girl. Also very very cute. I met her at a party in hyderabad, and flirted with her there, and texted her a few days later, but she never answered. So i sorta gave up, thinking I have no Mojo.  She pings me, and says, "hey, oddly, I only saw your message now, there's something wrong with me phone."

Ha ha, you expect me to believe that? That you saw my message 2 weeks to late. The truth is, you just suddenly felt my mojo. 

Then, on an impulse, I texted this other girl. I'd been trying to get her to go out with me, but she just wouldn't. So i was a little bummed about that, thinking I have no mojo. So i texted her saying, "Coffee later today?" and she answers (dig this) saying, "Hey, sorry, I'm getting married in Feb and engaged tomorrow, so 2nite may be hard." Ha ha. I'm happy. It wasn't me. 

So yea, I got my mojo  back, ladies. NOw i'm dying to head to a city where they actually have pretty women, and see if it's really back. I'll post. 

--------------

ps. what do people do with so much money? I mean, wasn't the first 1000 crores enough, Mr. Raju? BUt yea, at least you had the guts to let the buck stop somewhere, and write that letter instead of taking a flight to the Cayman Islands. 

Love, actually.

You know that moment. When you look at her, suddenly, out of the blue. It could be any other look, but it isn't. Suddenly your eyes are filled with beauty. She looks like the most beautiful thing you've laid eyes on ... that's the moment you realise you love her. It happened to me today. There I was... just standing... and I turned around, and she was there. She was so beautiful. 

I knew, at that moment, that I love her. 

I love her for all she is and all she isn't. She isn't perfect, but I loved her. She looked like the image of  beauty... I almost felt like she glowed a little... like the star from Gaiman's 'Stardust'. 

Was it too late, I wondered. Here I was, thinking of going our seperate ways... and this is the time that bastard cupid decides to strike. At least I know i love her. Tis better to have loved and lost... 

If I have to sell her, I'll miss her a lot, that's for sure. 

Her hood... just looked so perfect today. The slight bump on the hood, made to accomodate the bigger engine... the high clearence... the eagle painted on her bonnet. Even the slightly worn out tires ... the dent on the side (ah i remember that drunken evening... we've spent lots of beautiful times together, you and I). I love it all... i love all 1.3 litres of her. 

Lovers

There are different kinds of lovers. It's a little chocolate, there are also different kinds of chocolate. Incidentally, my father, who brings home a lot of chocolate, brought home 3 big bars of dark chocolate with fig. You might not believe this, but it was brilliant. The chocolate was dark and soft and gooey, with a mushy, dark pink fig paste. I loved it. When it got over, I turned to real figs, which I've never really enjoyed before, and I loved them too. 

Chocolate does that to you. As does love. 

But my sister, you see, hated it. "Ugh, who eats fig chocolate." So did my sort-of-girlfriend. "I hate figs. I hate the little seeds, and I hate mushy-ness. Don't give me any," she said. 

Different people like different chocolate, and different people love differently. Different people have different understandings of love, that much is true. 

Thats the problem, see. The problem isn't that people can't find a way to define or describe Love. Its just that they can't find a way to agree on the definition of love. 

Here, according to my very limited experience with love, that bitch, are the different kinds of lovers.

1) The romantic lovers. Many, at some point in our romantic lives, have been this kind of lover. I don't think I ever have, actually. As a young man (yea, I used to be one), I remember friends looking at a girl from far and saying, "I love her man... I really do." This love has nothing to do with real, deep emotion. Its just, you know, Romantic. The kind you see in Hindi movies. Many of my friends never even worked up the courage to talk to these girls. I clearly remember one saying, "I'm going to marry her, I dont know how, but I am." It didn't matter that he never had a chance in hell. 

Or like my friend Nina, who was in college with me. One days she came to me and said, "This boy came and gave me a note, but its french, and I don't know french, what does it say? It said, "Je t'aime beaucoup." I had to laugh at the guy. Not only was she way out of his league (yes, the fact that he wore only tee-shirts with a Sports Authority of India Logo on then{he said his father was an official there} may have had something to do with it), but they had also never spoken! Ah, the romantics. Yea, they never went anywhere. But i've heard stories did go somewhere you know. This girl, Mansi, was in my college, much older than me of course, and there was supposedly this boy who was totally in love with her. He only managed to say it to her, I hear, years later, and they eventually got married. She's on tv now, Mansi Scott.

2) The reason-to-love lovers. "I love you because you're so zen,"  she said  to me. Easily the nicest, most perfect girl I ever dated, I have no idea why I kept breaking up with her. It may be because I'm not essentially a reason-to-love lover, but that's besides the point. She wanted to love me more, so she brought home a dvd of a korean movie (about a girl who loses her virginity to an arrow) and some chinese movie called "Raise the red lantern". I only watched the second one because I thought it would have some kung fu in it. It didn't. 

I, on the other hand, didn't love her because I thought she wasn't bright enough. Its besides the point that I was proved wrong the moment she got accepted into Columbia's journalism program. 

The thing is : we needed reasons to love each other. We needed to say, "I like you because..." I guess its a good way to love, if you're thinking of a long term relationship. Its good to know why you like someone, so you can keep reminding yourself about it. But then again, you know if you have a reason to love somebody, then someday, when you change, that reason may cease to exist. 

3) The spiritual lovers. There was this girl once. I don't know where I fell in love with her, but I realised it on a deserted beach, in the middle of the night, when she said, "Let me show you how to really hug somebody." You know, words are always a barrier to emotion. There are never enough words for feelings. The english language is the worst. There's just one word for love. You kn ow that story about the inuits having some 30 odd words for snow. Well, Indian languages have many more words for love than English. There's a word for every different love that goes with every different relationship. But there still isn't enough to describe it all. That is why I can't describe what I felt with her, but we were bonded on a different level. The kind that you can never explain, you know, where souls meet and all bull. 

It doesn;t matter  now, of course, cos two weeks after that day on the beach, she went and got married. 

I think i'm essentially a spiritual lover, though, who will love without knowing why. Who want's to be understood without ever saying anything, who can never lie to his lover, because words don't count for much. Thats my problem, see, that kind of love, I don't know if it comes by very often. 

4) The reverse-love lover. "I don't want a soul-mate. I want someone who loves me inconveniently." This is the perfect way to define the girl i'm tangled up with right now. See, this person makes their decisions for love based on how much the other person loves them. They're the complete opposite of the Romantic Lover. More than wanting to love, they want to be loved. They want people so say odd things like, "I love you more than life itself," "I cry myself to sleep thinking about you," and "I can't live without you."

Ideally, Romantic Lover should meet Reverse-Love Lover, and it should work well. Until of course, More-Romantic Lover shows up and Reverse-love Lover feels more loved.

So i've left all the minor lovers out of this list. You know, like, says-i-love-you-during-sex-only lover, liar lover, arranged marriage lover... that kind. Those don't matter. 

And oh, happy new year to you, whatever kind of lover you are. May you find true love this year. 

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She moves in mysterious ways (It's alright!)

"I don't trust you,'' I said, teasingly.
"I don't trust myself,'' she said, also teasingly.
"Well, don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you tonight,'' I said, reassuringly.
"What? Bull shit. Do you expect me to believe that if I leaned in now, you wouldn't kiss me?" she said, challengingly.
"Yes,'' I said, confidently.
And so, she leaned in. I could see her face in the neon light that shone in from her window, and the soft whirr of the air-conditioner broke the silence of her small room.
Did i want to kiss her? Yes. Because she was tall, pretty, had a very hot body, was actually intelligent, and I had just had over four hours of great conversation with her, over cheap drinks at Janata Bar, and then a chain of cigarettes on the steps outside her house.
Did I kiss her? I won't say. Not because I don't kiss and tell, but because i don't not-kiss and tell.
So, what, then, was the problem? The problem was, that she had a boyfriend. Has a boyfriend. And he is actually a very nice boy. Decent, soft spoken, hard working, acts in plays, catholic even.
So why, then, was she sitting on her bed, which was really just a single mattress, with a boy who had broken the heart of one of her closest friends, less than two months ago? Obviously, because I'm the bad boy that her boyfriend isn't. Ok, ok, let me say it. I'm not a bad boy. I'm actually fairly good. But bad boy to her.

"You're such a player,'' she said. "Don't you just love that?" i said.

So. Since this post is tagged 'Lessons for Dudes', what's the lesson for you dudes here. The lesson, my friends, is this. Women, even devoted ones, will, if presented with the right opportunity, cheat on their boyfriends. Its true. I actually believe that its easier to seduce (i hate that word, but i don't have a better one) a girl with a boyfriend, or one who is soon to be wed, than a single girl. And this i speak from experience, plenty of mine own and those of plenty of my good friends'. Who are soon to be wed are very easy. Maybe they just want to get it done one last time? My experience with married women is extremely limited, so i won't comment.

Take a look at this. Its a piece by The Sun, brilliantly called `affairer sex'. Granted, it is the sun. But even so. Billy Crystal agrees. But this? I don't actually ever read it, but The Independent does sound like it has a lot more credibility. Do a little Blackle (that's an eco friendly google) search. You'll find that, indeed, more women are cheaters than men.

Before i get to why women cheat more, let me get to why men cheat less. Firstly, most men do have commitment phobia. Women love commitment. The only thing the love more than commitment is a is a man who doesn't. Men are naturally wired to be opportunistic. But for a man to commit to a woman, means that he's put some thought into it, and decided that he wants to be with this woman. He is with her because he wants to. (now I'm not talk about horny 15 year old boys that will go steady with a girl because its cool, I'm talking about horny 26 year old that will go steady with a girl cos its cool.) So for him to cheat, it means that he has to, in his head, overthrow all that he has thought and considered, and contradict his own emotion and hard work. Or, it could just be that he's extremely drunk and/or, she's incredibly hot. Unlikely, because women don't really love men who are incredibly drunk, unless they are too/

Second, i don't think men get enough opportunity as women. I do believe that the majority of women are naturally more attractive than men, especially since we start approaching thirty. Of course, some women do get fat (and I'm not apologising for using that word, use the bloody gym), but that doesn't matter, because there will always be a man to hit on a woman. All women, fat or not, get hit on. The same does not apply to men.

Now women, as I have always believed, are attracted to two kinds of men. One is the nice, sweet, gentle provider. The good looker, the stage-actor, the investment banker, the computer engineer. Which is who they marry and go to picnics with and cook with their moms and have kids with and go to the theater with. Then, they're attracted to the assholes. Which, is me, sometimes. The assholes don't even have to look extremely good or have great jobs or anything. Which, is also me, sometimes. We just have to talk smart.

So, as I was saying, they will marry the good boy, but want to fuck the bad boys. Its true. I'm telling you.

So, why wouldn't I kiss her? Because that is all they will ever want to do with the bad boys. Unless they're single. Well, then too, if they're smart, they'll get tired of the bad boy. If they're not, why the fuck would you want to be with them? They will never want to love you. They will never want to tell you about why they don't get along with their parents, and they won't care when you cry. You think you're using them, but no, really, they're using you.

And that sucks. So no more non-single women for me.

Lessons For [chick] Human Beings.

So, this post is part of my series of lessons for human beings. This one is for the Women. So there isnt much of a post here, there's just a lesson. But believe me, its true.

So here's the lesson.

-- If a guy says to you, 'I'm not the committment type', what he really means is, `I'm not the committment type with you. '--

The truth is, when a guy really likes you, for more than your ass, he will be the committment type. That is the simple truth. End of the lesson.

This comes from a hardcore committment-phobe, so you better believe it. Also, as an aside, for some stupid reason, the moment a guy says to a girl, ``i'm not the committment type'', she loves him.
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