25 May 2006

Men at work

UPDATE : OK people. this is mostly what it'll be. I made the background myself. I made the top image myself... i just stole the bikini lady from somewhere. If you made it, and want it off here, please tell me. I've the alignment just about right... now i just need to get the text colours right. Feedback?

I'm redoing the template a bit... so if things look odd at any point, ignore it, it'll be better soon, or if it doesn't work, back to the old default.

15 May 2006

Life's little regrets...

There are few things I regret in life. I believe that whatever happens, happens and there's little you can do to make it unhappen. This little story, is one of those regrets, that i do actually regret.

A few years ago, my friend and me went to this guy's wedding. My friend, sneezy (I think i referred to him in a previous post as tall-boy, because, well, he's tall) was there with me. The guy getting married had just become a dentist, and was all of 24, and his wife was all of 25, and they were happily married. At 24 now, there's no marriage in sight for me, and Sneezy's 27, and is insistent that he only wants a quick fling. Not even a longish fling. ``A week,'' he says.

Well, anyway, me and Sneezy didn't know a lot of people... I didnt drink in those days, and i think he didn't feel like, so we just walked around, saying hello to some old people. Anyway, this young lady walks up to us and says, ``Hi *sneezy*.''

Now before this story continues, let me make it clear that she was pretty hot. Younger than both of us, but hot. It was some years ago, but I remember that she was in a black salwar-kurta thing. Sweet girl

She asks my dear friend about work, his sister, chats with hom very very warmly for a good 10 minutes... and the sweet man just leaves me out of the conversation. He chatting, smiling, laughing with her, and i'm just standing there. So eventally, i've had enough.

``So,'' i butt in, ``aren't you going to introduce us?''
Sneezy : ``Oh sorry.''
He looks at her, looks back at me, and says, ``This is *4wd*, and *4wd*, this is a very old family friend of ours.
Me :``Oh is that so?''
Sneezy : ``Yes''
Me : ``Well, doesn't she have a name?''

I have to confess that by this time I KNEW that he'd forgotten her name.

Sneezy : ``Of course she does.''
Me : ``Well, what is it.''
Sneezy : ``Its um. its... er.. ''
Finally, the hot woman speaks.
Hot woman : ``Well, what is it?''
Him : ``erm.''

She introduces herself to me, and walks away from us a few minutes later. I burst out laughing, he kicks me.

After this, everytime I met Sneezy, he never fails to remind me about this. ``You bastard, she doesn't talk to me anymore! She was so friendly with me you mother fucker!''

This is my regret. And here's why.

I'm home for the weekend, and spent most of my time with Sneezy. He remided me twice about this girl and called my a cocksucker. We were driving down the road to my house, outside a multiplex, when this amazing woman crosses the road. She's not walking, she's doing this little catwalk thing. She's wearing jeans and singlet, and a broad belt, and has the MOSTEST amazingest body i've seen in years.

I'm driving, and i'm forced to slow down... and I have to go, ``whoa.''

She's tall, and if she wants to, i know she could be a supermodel, she's that hot. If god wanted angel's or sub-goddesses for heaven, she could apply, and would get the job hands down. If the devil wanted a hot assistant dressed in a red bikini fanning the coals under the pots that people like me will be cooked in, she'd still get the job.

"You bastard!!" sneezy shouts suddenly.
"huh? what ? what happened?'' i say.
"You mother fucker!!"
"Thats her!!"
"what? who?"
"Her. see what you made me lose out on!"
Then it hits me. It is her. Shit.
We spent the next hour discussing her. I've decided that, since Sneezy's friends are good family friends with her's, if they ever want her to get married, my name should be suggested. Sneezy doesnt think so.

If i hadn't messed it up for him that night, he could have introduced me to her. He believes that he would have eventually got her to go out with him. I don't believe that. But now that story is over. Just cos i felt silly. Damn me.

Then we did the usual thing... drove fast in my dad's car and pulled hand-brake turns and scared the osho-ites in white robes. Those are the days i miss
Life updates :
-I went to the Siachen Glacier. It was really cold. But HR wont let me post about work.
-I went home. Ate free food.
-My working out is begging to pay off. I've put on like 5 kilos, all muscle, and i started swimming at home, so i'm on the way to rippedness. Net time you're around ask to feel my arms or lats.
-I want to change my template.

07 May 2006

Someone wrote about men's loos.

There's this new guy at work, who's a Master's in International Relations. He talks funny. All serious and big-wordy. Like last night, at my boss's party, i said to him, ``Dude, dude, can i get you a drink?'' . He said something like, ``Not presently. I'm don't consume alcohol.''

Anyway, after a long day of following Gurgaon's gangs yesterday, I came back to work. I went into the loo, to pee of course, and there he was. He was standing at urinal 3. urinal 2 was empty, and I took urinal 1.

This is an actual conversation.

Me : ``Hey bro, whats up.''
Him: ``Hello.''
Me:``How's it going?''
Him: ``Fine''
Me:``Dude, did you get new spectalcles?''
Him: ``Well, today I went to the markets. To get reactions on the Government decision. It was ok, but a little redundant.''
Me: ``oh''
Him : *smile
Me: ``Dude, no, did you get *slightly louder now* NEW SPECTACLES.''
Him : ``oh. thats what you said.''
Me: ``Yes. Well, did you?''
Him: ``The old one's broke down, so I had to take recourse of these.''

I swear he said that.

ps. sticking to my new promise, i only had one rum, and one straight up shot of run with my boss. When the big bosses arrived, i wasn't looney, and didn't say silly things about the appraisal system

01 May 2006

its been a while .... but there's pics of me.

I havn't been here in a while. For a bit, I thought i was off blogging for good... I didn't know what to write about. Does everyone go through that after a few months of blogging? But for my loyal reader, (even the one who is from turkmenistan), i have pics of me :) No, you wont be able to identify me using the pics, but at least you'll know I can get cool pics and don't look like either Mable, Mo or Eminem.

First off, i have a resolution. I'm not going to drink all that much. It gets me in trouble. So the last time I had a drink, it was just one pint of beer. But it was a really expensive Corona.

Here's some of the things I did.

* I went to TC and set up two of my friends and felt really happy in my drunken state about it. Then i woke up the next morning less drunk and still felt happy. I feel so damn girly. Ugh. I need to shake this goody-cupid-feeling off. The two are not seeing each other yet, but i think there's a chance now.

* I got in trouble.

* Now this is bizzare. I went to dinner (the one where i had that corona) with my ex and her date. Ok, she's going to say he wasn't a date, just an old friend, but i'm sure that he was expecting a date. She didn't even tell him I was gonna tag along. I said to her, ``Are you sure I can come? its rude. And you two might get along better without me.'' She said to me, ``No come on. It'll be fun with you. Anyway, i could never want to go on a date with him. He's short, plump, and has really thick spectacles.'' ``Ha ha ha...'' said I.

Anyway, as it turns out, shorty did a little growing up. He certainly was a few inches taller than me. Being on the Berkeley (i dont even know if its spelt right) University squash team had made the plumpness come to his chest and arms from his tummy. And no sight of those damn `thick spectacles'. So he had this hoigty-toighty accent. Had a much earning job in california or something. Went on and on about being stalked by this girl. Lost a bet to my ex which entails buying her dinner. (He never offered me another dinner, though, even though he didn't pay for this one). This one is definately going down in my memoirs.

* Realised, once again, that my ex is really, still, my best friend, and i'm so happy for that. Shit i sound like a girl again. sniff sniff.

* Met my old bud from home (codename : tallman). We drove around, watched Ice Age 2 with his sister. Ate a lot. Wasted our money. Then we went off-road. Grr. Ignore all the mushy part of the blog above, and concentrate here, cos this is where the man part shows.

We went to my secret, little off road bit. Drove fast. Did donuts. Took pics. Talked about women, refering to most of them as, ``hottie-tottie'', ``bitch of a witch'', ``slippy-slidey'', ``slutty-putty'', ``picky-chicky'' or words like that. There was also the occasional ``Oh she's a nice girl. You should have stuck with her.''

Down the mud-bank... its actually posed for

Tallman's sister, tallishgirl, told me that they'd been ``looking for a girl for him.'' ``We met one yesterday, here in delhi. She's nice, could be pretty. Is a teacher in an international school... but in kurukshetra. She majored in english... but, um, the only thing is, um, she's not very comfortable with speaking English.''

Ha ha. Me and tallboy started laughing and spilt Jerry Wong's hot and sour soup. Later he said, ``Dude, i dont want to get married. I just met her because of family pressure. I dont want a relationship. I'm fling type. Anyway, this kurukshetra babe wont be to comfortable with us when we go to Goa. '' Ha ha i laughed, and lurched as the steering wheel spun around super fast cos we hit a big stone with the left front wheel. I learned a valuable lesson in life : When FourWheelHigh can't help you up a big rock, shift to FourWheelLow ... the steepest uphills become like downhills. Of course, i didn't learn this soon enough, and the engine (or 'injin' as tallboy says) got really hot and smoky. Like me. Except i don't smoke. Cos its bad for your lungs.

Letting the engine cool, wearing my lycra tee

Then we talked about the time I ran away from home. No, i really really ran. I just ran out of my house after a fight with my folks at midnight, and kept running. I didn't stop running for many hours. My parents called him, and the 3 of them drove around the city looking for me. Eventually i came home. The next day, he took me out to coffee, and being a few years elder to me, said, ``Dude, we were worried.'' That's all he said. We talked about shit, but he didn't sermonise. Today, we just laughed about how much I ran that day.

Then we met another old friend, and took her to dinner. But there's no story there, except that i packed my chicken piri piri.

* People should be nice to themselves. Thats a valuable lesson. Not beat themselves up over shit. And not like people that want to make them beat themselves up over shit. See, look at me. I rarely beat myself up. If you want to be hard on yourself, join a karate dojo. I know a great one if you're in Pune.

* The car. If you've seen it, and you now know who I am, bravo. Don't tell anyone, dont walk upto me and say, ``wow, i've been working with you for the past 9 months'' (cos i'm expecting that) My anonymity is shot anyway. Other than the people that already know me from real life, including my spiffy ex, The Compulsive Confessor has known who I am for a while, and is responsible for many of my hits.

Thats all I have to say for a while. Rock 'n' roll, babes.