26 December 2005

The games men play.

No, i'm not talking about mind games. In fact, I mostly lose in those.

But i'm home, and went for a drive with HorseyBoy.

We drove around, talked about women for a moment, then talked about cars for many moments. We bought some channya-munnya. I don't know what they're called in English, or any other language. But they're small, dark red, slightly sour berries. THey're all skin and seed, with a little bit of gloppy goo inside that tastes nice.

So you have to eat 10 before it tastes of anything.

So we were driving down in his Baleno (well, his dad's, but it's a great car) on the hinghway. This highway cuts through the city, so we're just driving home, nowhere special.
We're eating the channya-munnyas, and have the seeds collected in our mouths. I say, ``heh heh ... dude lets see if you can hit that cyclist!''
Horsey: ``No man, that's mean.''Me : ``Ok, hit the motorcyclist.''Horsey : Spit*miss* spit*miss. ``Er, i'll hit the cyclists. They're easier targets. We never hit anyway.''
I'm on the passenger side, so i hit oncoming cars. 1 point for a maruti 800, 5 for a lancer and 10 for a merc. I score 25 when I manage to get one straight into the cabin of an Ashok Leyland.
Horsey gets just one cyclist. Its a small seed, so it doesn't hurt him, but he just turns back to look. Don't know why, but we laugh like hyenas when this happens, and horsey almost drives into the back of a corvette. Ok, not corvette, but old 800. (you know the original japanese engine ones? Lower than the new ones? Yummy to drive? the first jap cars in India?)
Then we get bold, slow down, spit out at people, and zip away, hella lights leading.

The key to spitting well, is that the force must come from the bottom of your gut, not your mouth. {Place seed between pursed lips, breathe deep, expand stomach, wth a sharp contract of the diaphragm, expell air. Don't forget to aim.
Later, we sat down and talked. its funny, i've known this guy for 22 of my 24 years. We talk about everything. But whenever we come to women, the conversation is always the same.
Him : "So gangsta, whast up with that babe?" THe `babe' in question would be one i've been in love with for the past 2 years or so. And he dosn't say `gangsta' in normal conversaition in real life.Me : We broke up man.Him : No way! WHy? Me : Ahh. Him : oh you know who's hot? That babe that used to be in your college. Me : screw her. Are you still getting it on with RomeGirl? Dude you have a girlfriend. Him : hah hah. You made out with her when you had one. Me : You wanna play NFS2? I'll get the PS2.Him: Yeh, or we could go to the go-kart track.

The point is, we never ever really talk about women. We don't need to, I guess. Men usually don't, well, the men i know.

Except one guy that came up to me and said, ``if you ever want to talk, i'm here''. What guy says that?

Anyway, new years is coming up. Yay. Drunken women.

22 December 2005

women, i tell ya.

So i went out with my buds. And we did the ``blocking race'' on the way back. `Blocking race' may sound like a stupid name, but thats just cos i just made it up. Here's how it works. It needs 2 men, in 2 cars. Usually it just sponateously breaks out. Needs to starting grid.

It happens when one car gets in front of the other. The other will try to get in front, but the car in front won't let him. So the car behind tries his best to get in front. Its more challenging if the car in front is faster than the one behind. It eventually ends with a battle of nerves, when the back-car powers through a little space, almost touching the front-car. Whoever chickens out first, loses. The winners gets to stick his finger out and yell ``woooohoooo girly boy''.

This time, i was in DaBussinessman's qualis, and Monk was in the esteem. I was behind. But i won when overtook from the wrong side of an 18-wheeler, missing the wall by an inch, when Monk thought I would chicken out.

20 December 2005

What's with happy endings?

I went to see `Bluffmaster'. Good. Very watchable. And as much as I hate to admit it, the junior bacchan looks decent. And acts decent too.

I thought about her (see my last post) a fair amount through the movie.

Yea, she was cute (especially when she decided it was hot, and took her sweater off). But that wasnt why i thought of her all.

Imagine knowing someone, and not knowing anything about that person, except that his, or her, mother is just about to die...

I mean, i don't even know her last name.

as an aside : If you watch bluffmaster, don't miss roy's the cool car. Looks like a mustang. What I wouldn't do for a car like that. I'd even agree to not shoot priyanka chopra in the knee with an airgun everytime she said anything. (she's hot and all, but a bit pf a piss off)

Mile High

Ever since I remember going somewhere by aeroplane, or train even, it has always been a dream to get a seat next to a hot woman.

The last time that happened was, umm, when i was was 8 I think. My mum, my sis and I were travelling somewhere in a train, and there was some problem with our tickets. Anyway, two really cute women offered to share their coupe with my sis and me. They gave us two chints one berth, and the two off them, all growed up and all, took the other. Looking back, it was a lot hotter than i knew it was then.

Well, today I flew Air Deccan. Shitey airline. The airhostesses look all frumpypoo in their blue and yellow... things (i dont know what those frick dresses are called!)

Anyway, the check-in queue was really long. They said computer problem, i thought it was just ineptitude. Anyway, two queues away, i saw this really pretty girl. She was with someone. She was wearing this tikka on her forehead. She was dressed really well too. Thin, tallish, just my type.

Anyway, so I looked at her. I dont know if she looked back, i wasn't wearing my lenses. But i thought she did.

As luck would have it, both of us checked in at the same time.

Now, there's another queue for security check. This damn airline has so many queues, i just love them.

So, she was right behind me in the queue. I didn't know if she was going the same place as me, so I just looked pretty. Didn't try anything.

As luck would have it again, the chaos at the check-in counters meant free seating. So I engineered it so i got the seat right next to hers.

Anyway, we chatted. She was sweet. Except i dont think she could hear me very well, and everytime i made the right joke to make, she said, ``what's that?'' Never ``excuse me,'' or ``i didn't get that''. Just ``what's that?''

Anyway we chatted some more. She shared her water with me (this is AirDeccan, you have to BUY it). She's a student here, but lives in Delhi. She said she missed the first 20 days of college, and had to go back for ``some issues at home''.

We chatted some more. The dude in the leather jacked next to me was wishing he'd got the good seat (i.e. the middle.. heh) The dude in front of me with the blue monte-carlo sweater was chatting with this new mom (not hot by a long shot) about her travels.

She asked me about reporting. Asked me about covering the bomb-blasts.

Eventually she told me that she had to go back home for her mother. WHen she went home, she just went cos her sis's were down. Her mom had gall stones. But a few days before she arrived, her mom was diagnosed with cancer, in it's final stages. ``Every day that we spend with her is a bonus. The doctors told us she had only a few days to live'' she said. And she had tears in her eyes.

I felt so helpless. I wished i could do something. But i could just listen. I guess she needed to talk.

She had wanted to stay, but her mom wanted her to get back to college.

After telling me, she said, ``That felt a lot better''

We didn't get each others name till we'd both walked out of the airport.

I wonder what'll happen. I have her number, and i will call her, but i dont know if i can hit on her. I don't know if her mom will be alive when i call her. I know she has to go. I wonder how she'll deal with it.

As an aside, I forgot to x-ray my bag, and held up the whole flight.


16 December 2005

It was Beauty killed the Beast...

I saw king kong.

This, of course, is Jessica Lange, from the old one. Not the new babe. The Special Effects are mind blowing in this one. Better than LOTR. But Ms. Lange is hotter. And, believe it or not, she shows more skin than the 2005 version.

But really, i can see why these hotties like Kong so much. I mean, tall (25 feet, at last measure), dark, could pass for hand some, and has a really big ........... nose. Ok not nose.

Funny. King Kong's King Dong.

Really. Go watch the movie. Make Peter Jackson richer, he deserves it.

As an aside, you know what I really dont like? Holding hands with girls during movies. It should be ok in a film that you don't really want to watch, like any romantic film. It should be ok in comedies too, cos then you're laughing and dont care.

But action movies. No. Thats just distracting. I mean, women tend to squeeze your hand at the exact moment when your mind is supposed to `whoa'. Instead, you just go `wh-frickin-ouch'. You have to look away from the amazing fight between Kong and the 3 t-rexs (godzilla:). You can't appreciate the subtlety of kong's pile-driver if you have to keep shaking her hand off.

14 December 2005

So, i'm watching Sidhu on NDTV right now. There's some pretty stupid things going on.

Like :

Lady on phone: ``I am sixty-five, following cricket since ...''
Sidhu. ``You look twenty-five, madam, from your voice.''


``Man has his will, woman has her way,'' (to sonali)
``I see the world, no the selectors , as a fruitcake... it wont be complete without a few nuts. They're going nuts''. (er, the point?)
``This has happened from Times immemorial''. (times is a paper)
``I would rather have a pumpkin, all to myself, and sit on it, than sit on a crowded sofa.''

But thats not all... there's also this girl (off the streets of cal) who says, ``As a bengali, I dont support this decision. I am very upset,'' (all with a broad smile)

Cricket, i tell ya. Why can't more people be into more participatory sports. Like roller-blading.

12 December 2005

I'm a confidante!

So this is a post about a boy.
No i'm not in love with him. I didn't ask him out. Cos i don't do that. I'm into women. Not against being into men, thats ok, just that i'm not into it. Like some guys (mostly punjabi guys) like their women ``healthy''. Not me, thank you, I like them skinny.

Anyway, so this kid, lets call him, `Kid'. He's 18, but a lot heavier than me.

Anyway, Kid has been working on a story for a month now. It'll make a good writer's piece, but no big deal.

Anyway, a few days ago he came and asked me advice on some debate. Er... he doesn't even know me. And to top it all off, he interns here, but he doesn't read the paper.

So anyway, he keeps asking me for advice on the story, and i always say, ``get the story over with, and move on''.

So today he comes up, and says, ``Can you give me advice on my career?''
Me : ``Advice? uh. what sort?''
Kid: ``When did you start working?''
Me: ``Er, just now???''
Kid:``How do i proceed in my career?'' (like i'm frigin bejan daruwala)
Me: ``I dunno dude. You should just graduate first''
Kid: ``Thank you... thank you for the advice... i feel like i can trust you.''

info about me : I had no idea what i wanted to do till I did it. Now i know i want to do journalism, but i'm not sure i want to do exactly what i'm doing... i wanna do something different.

(at a later stage in the conversation) Kid : ``Can i intern here, and submit articles to another paper?''
Me: ``Eh? what's wrong with you? thats wrong. You'll get thrown out. Its totally unethical''
Kid: ``oh. I didn't know. I've never been able to talk about these things to anyone. I considered talking to *metro editor*.'' (jeez)
Me: ``Havn't you ever worked anywhere? like a summer job or something?
Kid: ``No. We don't have that culture in Kanpur.''

still later, after he bitches to me about my roomie, he says,

Kid: I need someone I can trust. I think that someone is you. I love you. (ok, the last bit i put in, but i swear he was thinking it.)

So i said, ``Dude, dont trust me. Don't accept any of my advice. I can't take responsibility for your life!!!''
Kid : ``Yes of course. You're so honest."

Why can't women like me this much?

08 December 2005


So, after a premature rejection, I've figured out why men are scared of women. Well, its not an original theory at all, i've just figured it out.

Men are afraid of rejection. Cos it hurts the ego.

There that is my theory. Ok, its not big, but its ok.
So i figure, if you get rejected enough times, you'll get used to it and not care. Like learning to ride a bike. You fall off. you learn. actually that doesnt really explain it.

Ok, like racing bikes. You race them, and when you fall the first time, you realise, ok, it didn't kill me, so its ok.... so you go do it again... of course if it kills you, you don't go do it again. That would be stupid.

Tucker Max says you shouldn't care ``if the girl is going home with you''. According to him, if you don't care, not pretend to not care, it works better. Don't ask me why... Don't ask me why i read him even.. i dont want to be like him... he's just funny.

ok, so the last bit was pointless.

05 December 2005

No women. Just stupid.

Hello world.

Not a nice day. So many decisions. I mean, why can't life just go they way you plan... why do you have to work so hard to get the bloomin plan to work? Compromise with this one, beg with that one, cajole with a third, steamroll no. 4. Jeez.

Anyway. Today (well, technically, late late last night), i did something stupid :)
Online. Now that's a first.

but you can read all about it here.

It takes a stpid man to be stupid. But it takes a brave man to go and tell everyone he was stupid, and then show them all evidence so they never forget.
But its ok. I'm anonymous, and I don't care what you all think of me, so here.

And the sad part about it all is, i actually had something really good to say to the guy. Good as in, bad for him. But now its lost.

Its like when you get into an argument with someone, and you come home, and then the killer come-back comes to you? I feel like that now.