24 March 2006

My new haircut.

I've been hanging out with some gay guys this week. They were pretty cool, and I find i'm not as homo-phobic as i thought I was. What I do like about gay people is they wear their sexuality on their sleeves (at least the one's i know), and I think we would all be a lot better off (im talking about the straight people) if we all do that. And what i like about gay people is that they know real lesbian women. So cool.

I had a hair-cut. My theory is that men use hair-cuts to define their sexuality. Not the hair-cut, exactly, but where we cut our hair . Like me, and all my buddies from back home, all of us cut our hair in the same barber-shop. Its called cut-in-time, and they (now) charge 25 bucks for a job. At the end of it, they give you a nice, completely non-invasive, head-maalish. At one point, the store split into two, the other being `fine cut'. We chose our loyalties, dependingon whether we got along with the barbers or the owners.

On the other hand, all the `metro-sexual', and/or gay guys i know, all had expensive haircuts. Haircuts where the coiffeur gets you coffee, and doesn't cut, he `styles'. Where the man next to you gets a facial, and the woman next to you gets her eyebrows done. Sometimes even the man gets hs eyebrows done.

Its not about how much the job costs, its about the barbershop. Where I used to go, women are NOT allowed, unless they;ve brought their 3 year old kids, even though we're all completely clothed.

In my olde shop, I didn't have to tell the barber what to do. If i wanted something different, i'd just say, ``boss, thoda chota''.

Since I came to Delhi, i've had a problem with finding a decent barber. I knew that all my buddies would laugh if i told them i'd spent more than Rs. 25 on a hair cut, so i hunted, and found a guy that charged on Rs. 30. But the problem here is that a 30 buck hair cut in delhi means a small hole in the wall shop, where you dont know how old the blades are, and the barber chews (and spits) paan.

A year in delhi, and i've had just three haircute. The rest I had at home. The second time, i found this 30 buck guy... and I hated it. Other than smelling bad, the guy gave me the worst haircut i've EVER had. I don't obsess over my nothing-special hair, but this was the pits. I couldnt even comb it right.

So a few days ago, i decided I would spend some more money.

I did something i'd never done only once before. I went to a place where Men AND women can get a haircut. (I hope none of my buddies at home read this... oh wait they won't, they're not very good at reading)

As soon as i sat down, the barber ran his hands through my hair, and said , ``Too oily... should i shampoo?''. I'd been to tc last night, and hadnt bathed. And since i was already here, i said, ``ok". I hated it. He put me in a special chair, which i thought would make for good sex, if i had it at home. Except now my head was hanging into a basin, and the barber was shampooing it with shampoo i couldn;t recognise. I have NEVER had a man run his hands through my hair like that. If my hair was oily at Fine Cut, he'd just spray it with water, straighten it out, and chop-chop.

Then he sat me down, put cotton around my neck, a towel over my shoulders, and then tied an apron around me. Except my normal aprons were mono-chrome.. this one had a dragon on it. Really.

Then he put two clips in my hair. Clips? for a haircut. I felt... girly, almost. Then he gave me longest haircut I have ever had in my life. First he did one side, then the other, then took off one clip, cut, then the other cut, then levelled it out, cut. And all i wanted was a normal, short hair-cut.

Then he decided to massage my face. He spread some white moisturiser like cream thing on my face and spread it all over my face. WITH HIS HANDS. The he began to massage. I have never had a man touch my lips as much as he did. He decided to massage my nose also, and i couldn't breath for almost 45 seconds, twice. I couldn;t open my mouth, cos his hands were so near.

Then he wiped my face clean with a wet towel, and offered me tea or coffee, which i declined, cos i didn't know if it was to be paid for. So i'm cheap. Sue me.

But at the end of it, i think i'm satisfied with the hair cut. Looks just like Fine Cut, except at 6 times the cost.

Here's what i think. I think, that even though it may not be cool anymore, i'm being forced into metro-sexuality, against my will, all because i can't find the right barber. My next hair cut will be when i visit home.


Madame Mahima said...

LOL that has got be the funniest post ever written about a haircut EVER!
nice to read about one from a guys point of view...i personally LOVE going to the salon..the head massage is the BEST..
btw..i think they charge u extra when they wash ure hair...no wonder the guy was so eager to do it!

Ron said...

LOL!!!! Hilarious. You know, I once accompanied my friend for a haircut to one of those fancy unisex places, and I swear it was the longest haircut ever. Even women's haircuts dont take so long. I think he was cutting each hair strand indiviually. And at the end of it, it didnt even look anything different!!!I think its just a mater of being able to tell people "I get my hair styled at so and so".

PS:Why is it that men find lesbians so totally hot?? Ive asked so many men but not managed to get a satisfactory answer yet.

lycra said...

hey i like calling you james yo!
i know u're not called that. But i make up my own names for virtual pple. so let me.
And yeah, i think i'm the only woman who likes a sweaty normal man. no metrosexual pink shirt wearing men for me. i prefer him in simpler stuff.
so there am cheap too. Let's sue each other!
And i like saying Ashton Martin too. Refer to my last two posts excluding yours to know more about my pronounciation skills and stuff.
bon jour!

Toe Knee said...

Hey FWH,

I think I can beat you hollow at the "cheap haircut" game. My local paan-chewing, invective-spewing, hole-in-the-wall barber charges me ONLY Rs 15.

eM said...

Heh. Was it Madonna? It was, wasn't it? :)
next you should try a pedicure. good fun.

hickey said...

funny funny! i should have looked for a guy with a fine cut at tc:) who knows, maybe we already know each other! anyway mon sounds good. im off as well. let me know how we can work this out!!!

Lalit Singh said...

Lols Dude you make me recount my problems.

After staying in Delhi for the first 23 years of my life and being totally content with getting my hair done by a local barber for 25 bucks, I came to bombay and went to this upmarket salon where everyone speaks English.The female recepionist(who needs a receptionist at a barber's shop??) with streaked hair (which i am sure she would be doing at the salon itself or sneaking out material from there) to the barber to the cleaner / helper. And i am like "GAWD where am I". And it turns out to be the longest haircut of my life. At least he was decent enough to ask me if i wanted a massage which i declined politely.
A few more bad experiences here n there and then finally I managed to find a shop in a place called Hanuman Nagar in Bombay, where its a no frills attached 25 bucks, AND they use fresh blades.

the wannabe indian punkster said...

ewwwww.....he massaged your face?
now why on earth would he do that?
A head massage is fine(correction...a head massage is THE best when done properly).....but a face massage?


4WD said...

There should be a law that disallows blogger from making you get word verification wrong on your own blog.

mahi ~ they did charge extra. Next time i'm gonna shampoo and then go for a haircut. So pointless. My dad always told me not to bathe cos i'll have to come back and bathe anyway.

Ron ~ lesbians. Simple. Whats better than one naked woman. Two naked women. In the same frame :) And if they're lesbian, then there's no fat, hairy, naked men in the frame.

Lycra ~ I had a pink shirt once, but it was MAN PINK.

toe ~ where do you live?

em~ not madonna. Where is maddona? i'll try it. NO NO NO. what use is a pedicure in hiking shoes?

Lalit ~ Dude, bombay is the place, expensive haircuts or not.

Megha ~ you mean they don't do that normally?

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Your post made me so happy. About my hairstyle. Commonly referred to as the 'Yul Brynner cut'.


Anonymous said...

sounds like looks salon! now that you mention it, maybe the whole face massage is weird!

lycra said...

what's man pink?
i love pink but definitely not on men. But since it's you, i'll let that pass!
hic hic!

Ekta said...

Imagining a guy getting a hair cut with clips on his head!
hah...must be quite a sight!
But I soo agree with ron...these hi fi parlours just make hair-cutting look as complex as developing a damn spaceship!

Rohini said...

You sound just like my husband. He will not let go of his 25 buck haircuts for anything. So explain this to me - is this because you find going to a unisex place where they spend too much time on your hair a threat to your sexuality or is it just because you're cheap???

Though I have to agree the face massage sounds a bit gross and he might have conned you a bit with the shampoo...

Btw, thanks for visiting... and thanks for the tips (had the book you read on motherhood been written by a member of a biker gang?)

hickey said...

your mailbox full or something? the darn mail came back... so mail me yur number instead and maybe we can meet tom if yu have some time.

hickey said...

btw my email id is randomsorandom@yahoo.co.in

Rat said...

Now how much did this cost ?

gutterspace said...

Sounds very similar to my hair disaster. Once i paid close to 2K for a haircut at a very upmarket place in Bombay. That time my logic was not too many people can style short hair nicely. What i ended up with was a weird Mohawk like thigie that needed tons of gel,mousse and precious time every morning.Ewwwwwwwwww. was my worst haircut till date. Lesson learnt - any half decent person and do your hair, as long as U KNOW what you want.

Drops Of Jupiter said...

Why did he massage your face? its not a spa!

Anywho..where's home ?

Drops Of Jupiter said...

Finished your tag!

WishfulThinker said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Im still laughing while I'm typing this out..!! i know exactly what you mean about barbers and 'stylists' man! Needless to say, I've been to a 'stylist' once and never went back there again! Loved this post! :D