09 June 2006

Psychology class

This post is for the men.
--Disclaimer : This post has a disclaimer at the bottom. Please read it after you're done. Dont kill things, its not good Karma. Don't be mean to bicyclists, its not good Karma. Don't eat too much Pizza, its not good for you. --
I know what women want. I've figured it out, and i'm going to impart this knowledge to all you men, and some of you women that may want it, out there. Before I begin, let me tell you that I have all the theoretical knowledege, but putting it into practical application is hard... even for me. Its like removing a crank from a mountain bike. You KNOW that you should use the crank-puller, and gently remove, and never use a hammer... but you just have to hammer, just once. And, that, my friends, is what kills the bottom-bracket.
But first, children, lets deal with a few common misconceptions about what women really want.
1) Money. Well, it helps. But its not everything. It can buy you a lot of good things, but not all good things. You can have all the money in the world, but if you've never slept in an Alpine meadow in the himalayas, you haven't been anywhere. Coming back to women. Yea, women like money, sure. But there is advantage in being the underdog with no money. And its cheaper.
2) A hot body. Well, i'm sure it helps. But you can do without it. I've seen and known all sorts of men, tall and skinny, really short and reallu skinny, fat, plumish, pear-shaped, wobbly, jiggly and even hunchbacked get hooked to hot women. That said, its not a bad idea to work out a little bit. (in case anyone says i work out for the women, no I don't. I work out for me.)
3) A hot face. Well, yea, that may help too. But there is no clear consensus amongst women on what exactly a hot face is. So some women find Vince Vaugh hot, some find Brad Pitt. Some find Billy Bob Thornton. Some overlap, yes, but some even find our own Paresh Rawal hot. Some like Rajnikant even. So this is really a moot point... every face is bound to have some likers.
4) A nice car. Ok, this might help too. But not really. I mean, a bike is sexier than a car. And men and women differ vastly on the subject of cars. Ok, you need to have some transportation to drive her somewhere, and a scooty pep isn't much class. If you were in goa, you could get Lambretta.. that would be cool. But you can get by without it. Really.
5) Superpowers. No point. Really. If you have them, use them. But if you don't, its ok. Unless you want to date Storm. Which you could even without superpowers, if you used my knowledge.
-----------------
And now, for the moment you've all been waiting for.
Bum da bum bum baa bum.
Women want, what they can't get.
Simple. Thats how easy it is. If they cant get you, they want you. Simple. If you're all over a woman, and saying ``take me take me please'', they dont want you. Simple.
So now that you have this almost ethereal piece of knowledge, you have to change your strategy to incorporate it. If you meet a woman you like, don't call/message her incessantly. This is something i've been guilty of, and it doesn't work very well, i know. Let her call you also. If she doesn't call, find someone else that cant get you.
If you meet a girl at a party, don't stick to her like a leech, trying to make intelligent conversation. Even if you're a phd in agro-physics, leave it out. Go chat with the other women. That works double because
bum da bum bum biddy bum
All women want what other women want.
So if you're at a party, and you like this one woman, go talk to the others. The others will like you, cos you don't really like them, so subconsiously, they know they cant get you, so they want you. If all the others want you, and Ms. (or Mrs., if you can be that smooth) thinks she can't get you cos you're hardly talking to her, then she'll want you.
So strategy for such a situation should be, -go say hi to the girl - say something funny - move away - chat up the other women - come back and say hi occasionally - flirt with the other women - get flirted back - make your move on ms. x.

How's that eh?
So if you meet her professionally or something, ask her once for coffee... not like everyday. If she says 'I'm busy', you say, `ok call me when you're not' and move on.
If you want to succeed at this, its imperative that you develop a samurai like state of mind. Those guys left home everyday with incense in their helmets, so if hey were to be beheaded, it would smell sweet. Be ready to not get women. But remember, with enough practice, you'll get pretty good with them samurai blades. Remember Toshiro Mifune.
Remember, if you confuse a woman, she'll like you. Simple.
Oh, and, smell nice.
--Disclaimer : Don't take this too seriously. If you mess up, and lose the woman of your dreams, i'm not to blame. If you're a woman, don't get pissed off cos i let out your secret. Even if you didn't know it was your secret. This post has NOTHING to do with my previous post, for those of you that read me regularly. --

25 comments:

Madame Mahima said...

smelling nice is VERY IMPORTANT that should probably be no.1
who wants to talk to someone, let alone BE with someone if he stinks sky high. i've stayed away from hotties just because they stink.

see this is how i see it..both sexes dont want someone who tries too hard- clinginess is such a major turn off (for most)
as if a guy would want a girl who clings to him within the first 5 minutes of them meeting!
we're not all that different mate!

cars dont matter ..as long as they move and have an aircon
=P

4WD said...

yea... i know it works both ways. But i'm not trying to attract men, so i'm not figuring out how to :P The point is not to not try too hard. The point is to appear like youre not trying at all !:P

My car moves like an angel... but no aircon. If you take the top off, then its all aircon.

Harjee Kapur said...

your post shows how hope has been winning over experience in your life.
and i have a new found hope...
i have a few questions.... can you please help?
i mean i could use your insights....

i do not stink.i have a nice car. I have 'some' money to manage a good daal roti with 'desi ghee' tadka. occasional (shree) tandoori chicken also.
im not fat. im not ugly (atleast my previous girlfriends say so, subjective actually).

but am still single :-(
help me O' sultan of babewatch...

Mosilager said...

well pretending to be interested in attracting men is also an effective strategy. girls seem to love gay guys... and they also like changing guys (of course they stop liking the guy once he's changed - it wasn't those qualities that attracted her in the first place) so why not combine the two?

plonker said...

Well.. In my experience its always been a right mix between being an asshole and being a nice guy. Its a very fine line, tread too much either way and you are screwed

Ekta said...

hahah!
Well women want to beat u up right now!!
Thats what they want!!
But err have to agree again...most women do end up wanting what they really cant get!

Shivangi said...

Profound dear lad! Really. BUT, I am amused at the effort you put into this... And as I sit back and read your post, I can't help but wonder... Do I, or other women, work like this?
Some do, some don't. So, if you bump into a woman who works like your post, you've hit jackpot mate!

Rohini said...

Really like your new template. But is it really grey? It looks white to me...

I agree on the smelling good part. Body odour and bad breath are the biggest turnoffs EVER!

4WD said...

Harjee ~ Your kung fu is not strong :)

Mosilager ~ you're pulling my leg, aren't you? You have dogs, so women like that, so you don't have to follow my strategy.

Plonker ~ Very fine, that line. But if you can walk it... :) :)

Ekta ~ Who wants to beat me up ? I dont mind if she's wearing leather.

Shvangi ~ Most women work like this. I'm telling ya.

Rohini ~ It was grey. Now its white :)

Madame Mahima said...

oh honey. if we take the top off, my hair will be completely RUINED.
thats a few hours spent on lathering, rinsing (repeat), conditioning, rinsing, blowdrying- all gone to waste.

i reckon u should get the aircon fixed.
i only have your best interests at heart
=D

Mosilager said...

Unfortunately the only women who come up to the GingaBoo have been either married or attached so far. The odd single woman inevitably comes up with a comment on how I look like her brother so I'm expecting rakhis any day... so I have to develop alternate strategies... any suggestions?

वह ठुमक ठुमक कर आई,
मैं सम्झा बहार आई,
मैं सिन्दूर लेके खडा,
वह बेशरम राखी लेकर आई।

4WD said...

Mahi ~ The damn car doesn't come with air con. Sometimes I think it would've been a better idea for me to get a small little sensible city car :) ... What conditioner do you use?

Mosilager ~ Its all in the kung fu man. All in the Kung fu.

Rat said...

So did you think about this and analyse this before you wrote it or was it just a go with the flow thing ??

Vijayeta said...

Now, now, Dear Boy! You should not let out other people's secrets like this. Even if you chanced upon them while you went about your quest for higher knowledge.
Your "misconceptions" are quite right. Money, hot body, superpowers etc are not everything, but if they come with the right value-adds like sense of humor, sensitivity etc. they sure rock!
I love the way you've put it down pat. What Women Want...in 2 crisp sentences :)
While there is some truth in those, they're also a part of the larger phenomena called Mindgames. The art of which women have mastered through the ages. So much so that one can safely conclude that what you know now, is something what women have known all the while.
And this is the world's best kept secret:
Men want, what they can't get.
And this is where women use their feminine wiles very subtly to entice men into noticing their presence and making them WANT!

All men want what other men want.
Women know how to play to the good old competitive caveman/hunter-gatherer mentality waaay below the surface of suaveness. Armed with the extra knowledge that Testosterone works in mysterious ways. And makes men do some really strange things and go absurd lengths to GET what they WANT.

In the end, we're all slaves to the same system. You get what you get and Mindgames rule. Even though they also cause much misery...but its a price we're all willing to pay.
:D

Madame Mahima said...

it doesnt come with an AIR-CON!?!?
which century is this car from?
i use L'Oreal Elseve conditioner. not that you'd know it anyway :P (im assuming guys dont even use conditioner. *shakes head*)

freespirit said...

dude, despite my constant cynicism about what to expect from men, i have to admit, that for once, you got it right!

Nothing ticks a woman off more than not being able to get what she wants. It can be obsessively annoying!

jaygee said...

Hmmph! Everyone (man woman included) wants what they cannot have so really no secret there! :)

Ron said...

I must agree with most people who have commented earlier, you really did hit the nail on the head. What insight...Im maha impressed :D

Madame Mahima said...

oye ..update already

Arthur Quiller Couch said...

Brilliant. Though I'm a little annoyed that you not only discovered my secret but also shared it with the world.

Happy non-attaining, then.

J said...

Ok, the question is do men want, what they can't get?

jax said...

right said fred. i think we all want to be with people who dont need us.

silbil said...

very impressive and informative and too complicated to understand...
but quite funny you are...

This Is Just Me said...

I never call a guy. He better do all the calling. Well, maybe not all of it. I will call in direct response to a call I have already gotten or a voicemail.

But I think it's human nature for people to want what they can't have or is hard to get. They want to know what they're missing. And if other people like it, it must be good. Right?

P.S. Of course you're welcome at my blog any time.

shuddho said...

there's this guy (David Di Angelo)who makes a living selling that very piece of information - cds, books, more books and probably some dvds (and all of them at a discount just for YOU!)- and u gave it away for free (tsk tsk...some people have no conception of what they do...).
do u own a red mahindra 4x4... hey, thats sooo cool, same to same yaar. and if u own a crome colored enfield machismo (95 make), i will ask you if your parent's ever went to kumbh mela, and that locket around your neck is missing by half...