21 June 2006

Confessions of a Lifeguard.

The problem with me is, I'm a nice guy.

Yes, that is a significant problem.

See, some time ago, I'd decided that all the relationships i'd wanted were completely superficial. Only flings. Nothing serious. Now the problem with that is, you need to be a bit of an asshole to pull that off right. But you see, the bit of asshole in me is a little bit too little.

Now that we're on the topic, I have a nice ass. Or arse, as my now-british friend says.

But coming back to the original asshole, I don't have enough in me.

Like, for instance. There's this girl. A couple of years younger than me. She was an intern at our office. Now, i'm not bragging, but she's in love with me. She messages me all the time. Calls me. Messages me to say that I didn't answer. And I still don't answer. She still messages. The most asshole I can be, is to not answer her calls.

Anyhow, one day, she messaged me, telling me, and I quote, ``I really `dig' you''. First of all, who says `dig' anymore. Secondly, why the hell was the `dig' in single inverted commas?

So i answered : ``huh?''

So she said something about how she really liked me and how she thought about me all the time.

So I said, ``I'm sorry, i just dont feel the same way.'' I couldn't be really rude, so i said, ``its not you, its just, i'm not ready for a relationship.'' But it was her. I mean, she was cute and all, and reasonably smart (ish), but I just couldn't see myself with her. So I said, ``I'm sorry''.
So she said, ``How about just a fling then?''
In my head, i could
a) See a new post for this blog
b) See that, if persued, things would not end well.
It would have been easy for me. Have the fling, and then say, ``Look you said just fling, so, ta ta.''

Time out : I said to my roomie, ``Dude, this chick keeps messaging, like what do I do?'' He answers, ``Just fuck her and get it over with.'' I just went, ``huh?'' So he answers, ``Yea, after a guy fucks a woman, she's not interested in him anymore.'' I had to laugh at him...

Anyhow, so its very easy to have a fling with this girl. But i can't. Maybe if I liked her a little more. I'd put my principles aside for some women.

It all seems a little pointless when youre main aim in life is to have meaningless relationships, but you're just too principled. It's like, having a Dodge Viper, but refusing to drift, because its unsafe for oncoming traffic.

Ok, i'm a nice guy. Thats settled. But the problem is that the asshole in me keeps popping up every now and then.

This wednesday, I went to TC with some people from work. I havn't been there in ages. For a wednesday night (which is Media night, for all you non delhi folk) it was really empty. Like i could walk around, and if i wanted to, dance like a cossack, and breathe.

If less people from work were reading this, i could have a longer story, but I'll just say that this new girl from work brought her TOTALLY hot friend. In a little Tube top. I was totally trying to hit on this new girl, whose name i can't remember.

But if you studied my post about strategising women, you'll know that all women want what a) They can't get, and b) what other women want. So since I wanted hot tube-top woman, new girl from work wanted me. And since new girl from work wanted me, hot tube-top woman was automatically more interested in me.

But i keep remembering Sneezy's parting words :``Never play where you work, and never work where you play.'' I know that if I fool around with someone from work, it can't be good. It has to be awkward. Something has to go wrong.

I think too much. That's my problem.

I have so many problems. Aargh.

Also in this issue :
* Sneezy's visiting me tomorrow. ``Arrange me women,'' he said. I can't. I have to pick up the schmuck at 9am from the airport, dressed in formals. Then the two of us have to drive to New Okhla Industrial Development Authority (aka NOIDA) and make a presentation to a multinational company. I have to pretend to be ``his associate''.
* I saw MI:3. It has to be the best movie made this year. Its so fast paced, you never stop to think that the movie makes no logical sense.
* I'm totally broke.


dis_track_shun said...

i agree with your friend's work-play policy. too much hassle when u break up. (which u will coz its a fling anyway)
also i see ur point in saying 'no' to a fling with this chick who obviously likes u. (she's just 'saying' fling... this is the age-old female trick to get into a man's heart thru his bed... never works)
the solution to ur immediate problem is to become friends with New Girl... and slowly extend your friendship to her friends...
(have been a lurker on ur blog for a while now. very engrossing)

Vijayeta said...

I really 'dig' this post! 10 on 10, dude! First of all, realise, understand and appreciate the fact that we are all, basically, very shallow people. Secondly, even assholes and complete jerks draw the line somewhere!
The intern might just turn out to be a stalker if you're not careful. Symptoms? You said it yourself: She messages me all the time. Calls me. Messages me to say that I didn't answer. And I still don't answer. She still messages...
Watch out! And frankly, as firm believers in shallow-ism, one should never have anything to do with anyone who says:``I really `dig' you''.
Hot Tube Top woman sounds like a good option though, f you can call upon the Nice Guy in you as well as The Asshole together to handle the girl from work!

azure3000 said...
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azure3000 said...
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azure3000 said...
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azure3000 said...
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azure3000 said...
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azure3000 said...
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Arthur Quiller Couch said...

I was about to say I agree with yout roomie. Then I saw FanaaBabe up there and I realised there are worse situations possible.

Leave your stalker babe alone. For all you know, she IS Fanaa3000.

azure3000 said...
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azure3000 said...

slow down you craaazy child
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
you've got so much to do and only so many hours in a dayyyyayeaayyy

But you know that when the truth is told..
That you can get what you want or you can just get get old
You're gonna kick off before you even
Get halfway through
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

You better.... cool it down before you burn it out...
Why don't you realise..... ooo oo ...vienna waits for you.

dude. thanks. that song just saved my life. seriously. you gave me back my breath. not kidding. no one believes me...do you????????

btw- i'm the chick w/ the bandolino heels ;)

azure3000 said...

and i'm crying... no one believes me.......:(((((((((((((((

azure3000 said...

n my nose us bleeding.... and "hole is hole......"

azure3000 said...

fuck. dats better than dylan!
seriously, y'all, just sing the lyrics aloud, don't read it the words on the page...you will feel much much much better.


azure3000 said...

wait a second... if this is the wrath of Kali... and you calmed me down... does that make you Shiva?

wait, we already knew that ;)

4WD said...

Azure ~ Dude(ette?), what are `Bandolino heels'?

Dis_tract-or ~ Hello. Yea I think I need to meet more women :P

AQC, yeh, i'm a little scared of this. I was little excited when yahoo said i had 20 new comments.. but they're all this azure3000.

Vijeyta ~ Like Captain Planet?

plonker said...

like i said in my comment in the previous post... it is a very fine line between asshole and nice guy.. .master that and the world is yours my son.

Drops Of Jupiter said...

aureliana cortez says youve been tagged.
She also threatens to whip you if you don't comply. ;)

azure3000 said...

i'm a dudette (but it shouldn't matter). and um... i did ur tag. u know. that one. it was fun! :)

bandolino heels... well i dunno can any of the other ladies around here help him out? just the hottest brand, you know.

ja und wie geht es Dir? ;)
i don't dig your sense of humour today...(ja that was me, too)

brudder, forgive me for my silliness ;) when r u gonna hit me w/ some love?

azure3000 said...

ok, so prophets never profit. fine. no one believes them because they don't just spell it out plain and simple for people. it's 4:28 in the fucking morning and so i must speak.


i totally dig your opinions abt Nokia, btw. what ringtones do u have?

azure3000 said...

dude, i heard your lyrical notes (a la kierkegaard... the whole dialectical lyric thingy) and i heard your music. it's fantastic.

speaking of kierkegaard, he's talking about aesthetic/ethical/religious principles... i think you are at the ethical stage cuz you just transcended the aesthetic meaninglessness relationships part by showing u have principles. that's the aesthetic.

isn't there something similar like Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha ?

I think i may have had Moksha but i am not sure. i am so crazy in love...could that be it?

now, if u wanna check out the religious part, take a leap of faith but wait...to get that you have to get Marek. dude just read my blog. start at the beginning. and click around.

so back to lyrics. do you hear my lyrical notes? do you hear my music?

the music is wailing...
wailing whispers...wailing whispers...wailing whispers...

[y'all will get my drift once you get on the asha-sanctuary mailing list at asha-sanctuary@yahoogroups.com]

azure3000 said...

yes, i think this is Moksha.
dude. i need to sing. dance. ya.
i am happy!

azure3000 said...

u want Moksha, right? then listen to the fuck what i'm saying, y'all.

azure3000 said...

PS. Ustad Amjad Ali Khan. Moksha. Same deal.

azure3000 said...

i think you are at the ethical stage cuz you just transcended the aesthetic meaninglessness relationships part by showing u have principles. that's the aesthetic.

correction:that's the ethical, not aesthetic. my bad. theconceptofirony@blogspot.com dude can give us some pointers about kierkegaard but i don't know if he can help with personal issues.

[justin...was that irony? afs...was that irony...am i on a roll or what? omg, rotflmao....]

hit me w/ some love and i'll be more coherent, guys. i havent slept for like... since the age of dinosaurs [farhan...;)]

and i don't be expected to believed because people don't listen to prophets. that's what Anne Carson is trying to say with "Cassandra Float Can." i guess because we can be crazy and selfish? but that doesn't make sense because we're the most sane and unselfish people around... wtf!

M (tread softly upon) said...

"women want what they can't get" Bingo!!!

This Is Just Me said...
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lifeasithappens said...

just came across thi thing randomly, nice post! Btw you think a lot about how girls function! Btw, if I were you I wudn't have people from my office on a blog like this! but then again we are all different arn't we?

the wannabe indian punkster said...

uh-oh 4wd you have a stalker.

you need rescuing?


*takes out whip*

Anonymous said...

dude, which car do you drive?

4WD said...

Azure ~ yes, people DO listen to prophets.

M ~ you'd think I was set for life now... but real life sucks :)

Lifeasithappens ~ You're an investment Banker!!!! You're on my list!

Punkster ~ yeh... i try baling you out! Except my stalker is a lot more coherent and sensible than yours!

Anon ~ gypsy.

the wannabe indian punkster said...

I know eh.

sniff.....my stalker/troll/whatever is bloody creepy man.


gettothepoint said...

yes, people DO listen to prophets.

you do have a point, Lifeguard, sir. but it's only kids who listen to prophets. they don't have the whole power hangup that adults have. you're being an adult. you're not being my friend. get down to my level and treat me as a friend and maybe i will feel like i trust you enough to email back. you'll get a good FANAA story and a good angle on it, too. none of this objective "who/what/where" crap. be subjective with me. and be gentle with me.

hey punkster, join in the discussion at asha-sanctuary@yahoogroups.com

and lose the whip, will ya?! it's not about power. it's about truth-sex-power. read michel foucault's les mots et les choses friggin four times and tell me if you still want the whip.

ok sorry, sarcasm there. my bad. i'm just not gettin support from mah sistas and you're not helping with the whip. in fact, it hurts my feelings a lot! i'm trying hard to do something good, and you think i'm being a stalker. i feel hurt. :( and it took a lot to control my feelings and not whip you back. and be all mean back to you. [how am i doing, mick...;)]

so what's your favorite ice cream, y'all? i like cookies and cream.

here's the point:
lose the power/ego trip dudes and dudettes. we have some kids to save!

BgM [background music]: Alaipathuey
Mood: Pissed off!

Brad said...

Dude! You are funny, man. I totally hear ya! :-) You write like Sedaris, btw. Very cool.

jaygee said...

Aha u are one of those few who refuse a fling!! kya hua!!??? u cant be that good! lets make a 'broke' club...