16 April 2008

Milk boy! Save us, Milk boy!

Please allow me to introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and tasteIve been around for a long, long year
Stole many a mans soul and faith
And I was round when jesus christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate

See, now the thing about me is, that I have fairly decent Game. I don't pick up women in bars (this is India, i know very few people who do, cos women can be really prissy here), but I do have conversations with them, and i do flirt with some fairly succesfully. I can't charm the pants of any women you point out at me, but i do know if i get into a conversation with a woman, i have at least a 70% chance of scoring. Its another matter that i'm very picky, and really dont want to score unless they're very pretty or very intelligent.
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

The unfortunate problem, i think, with all men, regardless of the quantum of Game we may or may not have, is this : when we meet a woman we really really really like, we lose all game, and become charmless, tactless fool with the Game of a 14 year old hedgehog. (for those of you'll who are wondering what i mean by Game, if you don't know, erm, what can i say? Read a nice book by a dude called neil something or the other).

I stuck around St. Petersberg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the Czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
So, when you deal with a lady. Or a girl. Or a woman. Or a child, i am told. The rules to be successful are always the same. Their application may be varied a little, but they essentially stay the same. For instance, don't fawn over the woman. Don't get her gifts. Don't ever ever let her know you like her. Let her do all the work. Be confident. When you see the signs, do something about it. Don't be a wuss. And don't ever, ever, ever be afraid of rejection. And of course, develop `samurai mind', don't care if she never calls you. Of course these don't really apply if you look like that tall dude in Rang De Basanti, or a certain Mr. Pitt, or a certain, now deceased, Mr. Dean. They don't apply if you drive a Bentley in Bombay, or have a penthouse on Marine drive. But if you're an ordinary journo, with nothing more to his name that a car (with the bolt that holds the windshield in place missing, as I have recently discovered) and a personality, then well, they do apply.
I rode a tank
Held a general's rank
When the Blitzkrieg raged
and the Bodies stank
And honestly, i've had my share of women. A lot less than a lot of men, but that is because I have very strict standards. Most guys i know, even incredibly nice guys who are my best friends, will sleep with anything that moves. Or moved. I have the same policy for food, but not for women. If i've been in any sort of relationship with a girl, thats testimony to the fact that she's got something special about her (except for one...the only thing special about her, was her boobs). Allright, enough of blowing my own trumpet.
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
What's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
So, why, i ask, why? Does a young gent such as myself, forget all that he's learnt, and do everything he really shouldn't, the moment he meets the one girl who he would like to date for a little longer than three weeks? Why does he buy her gifts, and pay for coffee at the Taj Blue Diamond(two cups each). Why does he write her an email telling her just exactly how he feels. Why does he feel like he's the one being judged, rather that let her feel like that. Why does he care if he gets her or not? Is it because, he actually likes to watch her laugh? Is it because he actually likes to hear about her childhood, and isn't thinking about how he can steer the topic around to sex (which happens anyway, when she says, ``tell me two truths and a lie about sex'' which is a game he made up). Is it because she challenges him so much? ("I'm not going to fall for the strategy. There's so much more to you", she says) Is it because it doesn't matter to him that she is, actually, quite pretty. And why does he feel like he's setting himself up to lose this one? What is she doing? he knows she does like him, somehow, but she's not letting him win.
I watched with glee

While your kings and queens

Fought for ten decades

For the gods they made

I shouted out, "Who killed the Gandhis?"

When after all It was you and me

Men dig their own graves you know. They set themselves up for failure. They build it up in their heads, they make the task impossible for themselves. They have it in control, and then they let it go. When they don't care, they do great, but the moment they start, they shoot themselves in the foot. Some of us grow balls, and take the bull by its balls. Some of those that do, get trampled, and some, strangly, get loved by the bull. And the thing is, they can have been with a hundred women, but when they meet the woman that they could fall in love with, they turn into idiots. They say things like, ``she could never like me'', or ``i'm not into committment'', or ``she's got a funny tooth'', or ``it'll never work'', or ''we're friends'', or ``i don't know if she likes me or not''.

Let me please introduce myself

I'm a man of wealth and taste

And I laid traps for troubadours

Who get killed before they reached Bombay

So i know what i must do to get her. a) Stop being such a wuss. b) Stop caring about whether i get her or not. c) Game her a little, charm her a little. d) Make her want me, rather than the other way around. But the problem is, i know i could get her like that, but I might not want to. I want to care, and i want to be afraid, and i want her to want me for what I am, cheesy as that sounds!

Pleased to meet you

Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah

But what's confusing you

Is just the nature of my game

Love, or more precisely, the possibility of it, i tell you, ruins a man. It leaves him begging, when he should be demanding. Women don't beg when they're in love. They only demand when they're not. When its just about the sex. But then, when it's not about the love, and not about the sex, i think maybe, they don't demand then too, but this I can't say for a fact, and thats what fucks us all.

Just as every cop is a criminal

And all the sinners saints

As heads is tails

Just call me Lucifer

'Cause I'm in need of some restraint

So if you meet me

Have some courtesy

Have some sympathy, and some taste

Use all your well-learned politesse

Or I'll lay your soul to waste, um yeah (woo woo, woo woo)

Pleased to meet you

Hope you guessed my name, um yeah (who who)

But what's puzzling you

Is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down

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