29 April 2008

She moves in mysterious ways (It's alright!)

"I don't trust you,'' I said, teasingly.
"I don't trust myself,'' she said, also teasingly.
"Well, don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you tonight,'' I said, reassuringly.
"What? Bull shit. Do you expect me to believe that if I leaned in now, you wouldn't kiss me?" she said, challengingly.
"Yes,'' I said, confidently.
And so, she leaned in. I could see her face in the neon light that shone in from her window, and the soft whirr of the air-conditioner broke the silence of her small room.
Did i want to kiss her? Yes. Because she was tall, pretty, had a very hot body, was actually intelligent, and I had just had over four hours of great conversation with her, over cheap drinks at Janata Bar, and then a chain of cigarettes on the steps outside her house.
Did I kiss her? I won't say. Not because I don't kiss and tell, but because i don't not-kiss and tell.
So, what, then, was the problem? The problem was, that she had a boyfriend. Has a boyfriend. And he is actually a very nice boy. Decent, soft spoken, hard working, acts in plays, catholic even.
So why, then, was she sitting on her bed, which was really just a single mattress, with a boy who had broken the heart of one of her closest friends, less than two months ago? Obviously, because I'm the bad boy that her boyfriend isn't. Ok, ok, let me say it. I'm not a bad boy. I'm actually fairly good. But bad boy to her.

"You're such a player,'' she said. "Don't you just love that?" i said.

So. Since this post is tagged 'Lessons for Dudes', what's the lesson for you dudes here. The lesson, my friends, is this. Women, even devoted ones, will, if presented with the right opportunity, cheat on their boyfriends. Its true. I actually believe that its easier to seduce (i hate that word, but i don't have a better one) a girl with a boyfriend, or one who is soon to be wed, than a single girl. And this i speak from experience, plenty of mine own and those of plenty of my good friends'. Who are soon to be wed are very easy. Maybe they just want to get it done one last time? My experience with married women is extremely limited, so i won't comment.

Take a look at this. Its a piece by The Sun, brilliantly called `affairer sex'. Granted, it is the sun. But even so. Billy Crystal agrees. But this? I don't actually ever read it, but The Independent does sound like it has a lot more credibility. Do a little Blackle (that's an eco friendly google) search. You'll find that, indeed, more women are cheaters than men.

Before i get to why women cheat more, let me get to why men cheat less. Firstly, most men do have commitment phobia. Women love commitment. The only thing the love more than commitment is a is a man who doesn't. Men are naturally wired to be opportunistic. But for a man to commit to a woman, means that he's put some thought into it, and decided that he wants to be with this woman. He is with her because he wants to. (now I'm not talk about horny 15 year old boys that will go steady with a girl because its cool, I'm talking about horny 26 year old that will go steady with a girl cos its cool.) So for him to cheat, it means that he has to, in his head, overthrow all that he has thought and considered, and contradict his own emotion and hard work. Or, it could just be that he's extremely drunk and/or, she's incredibly hot. Unlikely, because women don't really love men who are incredibly drunk, unless they are too/

Second, i don't think men get enough opportunity as women. I do believe that the majority of women are naturally more attractive than men, especially since we start approaching thirty. Of course, some women do get fat (and I'm not apologising for using that word, use the bloody gym), but that doesn't matter, because there will always be a man to hit on a woman. All women, fat or not, get hit on. The same does not apply to men.

Now women, as I have always believed, are attracted to two kinds of men. One is the nice, sweet, gentle provider. The good looker, the stage-actor, the investment banker, the computer engineer. Which is who they marry and go to picnics with and cook with their moms and have kids with and go to the theater with. Then, they're attracted to the assholes. Which, is me, sometimes. The assholes don't even have to look extremely good or have great jobs or anything. Which, is also me, sometimes. We just have to talk smart.

So, as I was saying, they will marry the good boy, but want to fuck the bad boys. Its true. I'm telling you.

So, why wouldn't I kiss her? Because that is all they will ever want to do with the bad boys. Unless they're single. Well, then too, if they're smart, they'll get tired of the bad boy. If they're not, why the fuck would you want to be with them? They will never want to love you. They will never want to tell you about why they don't get along with their parents, and they won't care when you cry. You think you're using them, but no, really, they're using you.

And that sucks. So no more non-single women for me.


Anonymous said...

I can't believe you've started (and stopped) posting again. I used to read your blog eons ago, but didn't know where you had moved though. Nice to have you back anyway :-)

-A sorta single chick reader

Anonymous said...

I think the same principle applies to men- fuck the bad girl (or atleast try your utmost to) but take the nice sweet one home to the parents.

FYI, you'll be surprised at how many women fall in love with the so called bad guy and want to take them home. (but that I think is mostly cause they believe they can change him for the better).

- Chantfa